This post may be a little different than my other arguments but I wanted to make a quick one to hopefully offer to you, the reader, some insight into three statements that are commonly said about someone who is either transitioning or has transitioned.
The main one is when someone talks about how a friend of theirs, or someone they work with, etc, has now BECOME a woman and is no longer a man. The biggest reason why this is a problem statement is because the truth is most likely that this person was born with the birth defect of having a brain of the opposite gender not matching their bodies creating Gender Dysphoria (GD), that leads to depression and anxiety among other problems. They have ALWAYS MENTALLY been of a gender that is not in alignment with their bodies, therefore they have always been that gender and they are just changing their bodies.
Another one that can be considered not the best thing to bring up to a trans-woman, and this is one that I’ve even personally heard many times… is “You are so lucky to not have your period!”. Now, don’t get me wrong here, because I really don’t have as big a problem with this as some others might. I don’t want kids, nor have I ever wanted them. I enjoy traveling too much, and I just never had that biological clock ticking on me. The problem lies in that the ones who have GD bad enough and want to have the kids would do anything to be able to birth a child and be a mother. That’s respectable enough to know now not to bring it up. For me though, my problem is that I would do anything to have a period because it would mean that I would be accepted as a woman by those in society that don’t understand the real science.
Let’s see, the last thing I would say is that just about any talk about a trans* individual’s private parts would be on the list as a no. I get asked a lot if I am getting THE surgery, but that’s because I am new to the world of transsexuality… the ones who have made it to the other side get asked the question “What kind of private parts do you have downstairs?” Can’t you see what a really personal question this is, and it’s always asked. I almost feel that it’s the same as asking someone “Hey how big is your penis?”.
The verdict? If you want to talk about someone you know, it’s best just to say that “They are changing their bodies to male/female to match their brains.” That may be a little longer to say, but by doing so you start letting people know the reality of it.
To all the women out there, remember it’s bad telling a trans-woman “She’s lucky to not have a period.” because it’s a lot like saying to a cis-woman “She’s lucky she’s unable to birth children.” and I’d hope you wouldn’t do that. Don’t feel bad if you’ve said it before, it’s really just one of the first things on a woman’s mind, because no woman wants to have a period and they would love to be in our shoes and NOT have one each month. It is what it is really. A lot of trans women would kill for a period to legitimize being female. To comically quote a friend of mine, “I just wanna bleed!”
Finally, don’t ask about privates unless you plan on being intimate with said person. Really, why would you otherwise? You don’t NEED to know, and it’s probably not life or death that this information is present in your life. I mean, you can if it’s a close friend of yours and you are curious, but at least ask if it’s okay to ask the questions in the first place so you don’t offend them! Some people are open, and some aren’t… I am completely open myself, but that doesn’t make the next person so open.